Making Peace With Being Misunderstood
Embracing Your Reality Even When Others Don't
Here's an honest truth about me: one of my biggest pet peeves is being in a conversation with someone who is committed to misunderstanding me, no matter how many times I present the facts. It's like I’m pointing to the sky and saying it's blue, only for them to insist I said it's purple. Seriously, what?
We've all been there, misquoted, misread, mislabeled. It's extremely frustrating, and wanting to be understood is a deeply human need. As social beings, our nervous systems are wired for connection, which thrives on validation, recognition, and mutual understanding. When people don't "get us," it can feel like rejection. This feeling becomes even more maddening when it comes from someone you consider family or a friend. And for those with histories of trauma, marginalization, or emotionally invalidating environments, being misunderstood can hit especially hard.
But here’s the truth: not everyone will understand you. Not everyone needs to. And spending your energy trying to correct, explain, or defend your truth to people who aren’t committed to hearing it will only drain you. The work becomes about accepting that misunderstanding is a part of life, and learning how to stay grounded in your truth even when others don’t see it.
How to Make Peace With Being Misunderstood
1. Stop over-explaining as a survival strategy
The impulse to explain yourself repeatedly often stems from a desire to feel safe, to avoid judgment, abandonment, or misinterpretation. But over-explaining rarely gets you the clarity you desire. Instead, practice stating your truth once, with kindness and clarity, and then letting it be. People committed to misunderstanding you won’t be convinced by extra words. So the next time you're considering texting them that essay, I encourage you to scale back to just a few words.
2. Remember: their interpretation isn’t your responsibility
You can be clear, thoughtful, and sincere, and still be misunderstood. That doesn’t mean you miscommunicated. It means other people are filtering your words through their wounds, biases, or limitations. Your job is to express your truth with integrity, not to control how it’s received.
3. Discern who deserves access to your inner world
Not everyone earns the right to know the deeper parts of you. Being misunderstood hurts most when we’re emotionally invested in the other person’s perception, like a close friend or family member. That’s why boundaries matter. Choose relationships where your truth can be met with curiosity, not defensiveness.
4. Be rooted in your self-knowledge
The more confident you are in your values, your intentions, and your emotional growth, the less shaken you’ll feel when others don’t understand you. You don’t have to abandon yourself just because someone else refuses to see you clearly.
5. Let go of the need for closure
Sometimes you won’t get the apology, acknowledgment, or understanding you hoped for. That doesn’t mean healing isn’t possible. Closure is something you can create for yourself, not something you have to wait for others to provide.
When you're constantly trying to be understood by others, you risk impacting your mental health. Peace comes when you stop arguing with people about what you know is the truth. If people want to be caught up in their prison of delusion, let them.
Mindful Moment
Write about a time when someone misunderstood you. What part of you still needs comfort or validation? Can you offer that to yourself now?
Join Me This September at CIVANA
This September 25–30, I’ll be hosting a 5-day wellness residency at CIVANA Wellness Resort & Spa in Carefree, Arizona, and you’re invited.
During this residency, I'll be guiding participants through transformative workshops where we'll explore establishing healthy boundaries, mastering emotional awareness techniques, strengthening your support network, and embracing intentional rest practices. You'll find yourself in an environment specially designed to soothe your nervous system, nourish your inner self, and awaken your sense of wonder.
I would love to see you there! This invitation includes a special 20% discount on your room rate. Use this special link to book, and the discount will automatically apply. For more information about CIVANA and the amenities available during your stay, visit their website. When booking, use promo code: VWGMINAAB
Connect With Me
I'm a therapist, author, and mental health educator who helps people navigate sibling and family dynamics, cultivate emotional regulation, and overcome mental health conditions such as C-PTSD, trauma, anxiety, and more. If you reside in the state of New York and you're looking for a therapist, book a 15-minute consultation with me to see if we're a good fit. You can also learn from me by ordering a copy of my book, Owning Our Struggles, following me on Instagram, or listening to my podcast, Mindful With Minaa.
Need this!! SO Good Minaa!
Your words land. I’ve come to understand that my own past experiences have made being understood such a powerful desire, and a big trigger when I judge it isn’t happening. I resonate with your reframing: I try to remind myself that I have agency. I can find other ways to be seen and understood outside of any specific interaction. Aligned with your mindful approach, I practice a silent engagement… pausing to self-connect in my body and seeking to understand what I’m feeling and ultimately what I’m longing for as a human, all separate from any particular person. This has helped me shift from chasing connection in moments where it is not likely to happen. Thank you for naming the complexity of the dynamic: Grief and self compassion can live simultaneously. That’s ultimately hopeful for me, at least.