I come from a blended family and am the youngest of 13. As a child, holidays were always exciting at our house, filled with people and delicious foods like rice and peas, patacones, oxtails, pernil, and more. I can't forget the soca and calypso music that would play throughout my Panamanian home, signaling good times and lots of dancing.
As I've grown older, the joy I once experienced during the holidays as a carefree child has gradually transformed into stress from managing varied opinions, personalities, and emotions during holiday planning. As the youngest of thirteen siblings, most of whom are twenty-to-thirty years older than me, setting boundaries was a challenge since my siblings always felt like they were my other parent. I was reluctant to say no, fearing disappointment. However, I eventually understood that pleasing everyone was truly impossible.
While the holidays can be challenging for various reasons, everyone deserves to feel safe and maintain a balanced nervous system. With practice, I eventually learned how to manage my discomfort with setting boundaries, which included having difficult conversations.
Here's how I learned to express my boundaries:
“I won’t be cooking that particular dish, but I can make something else that respects my time, finances, and energy.”
“I can only afford to buy one gift per child this year.” (I have 25+ nieces and nephews 😩)
“I'm visiting a different relative's house this year. Thank you for the invitation.”
“I need help with cleaning up after the party.”
“I have limited space; only a certain number of people can spend the night.”
“I can’t afford to contribute gifts this year.”
“I have to stick to my budget this season.”
Setting boundaries may be challenging, but it's crucial that we learn to handle tough situations. I'm thrilled to collaborate with a good friend of mine, Vanessa Cornell, to offer a free virtual event on self-support during the holiday season.
This workshop is for you if:
You find it difficult to set financial, mental, and emotional boundaries for yourself and others.
You experience guilt when setting boundaries and need guidance on managing your emotions.
The holidays induce feelings of nervousness and dysregulation, and you need tips on how to manage and increase your stress tolerance.
You desire to be part of a community of supportive individuals who are unapologetically learning to attend to their needs.
I’m excited to have you join me for this conversation, and I look forward to seeing you virtually on November 16th!
What are you hoping I discuss during this live event? Leave your comments below!
Constant conversation I’m in in therapy. Sometimes step 1 is setting the boundary. Step 2 - how to deal with the blowback of the boundary being set. Some of us never get to step 2 because of that potential fear.