It’s Okay to Have Standards

You aren’t for everyone and that’s okay

Photo by jewad alnabi on Unsplash.

I remember watching a video of a podcast recording where a woman listed the qualities she wanted a potential partner to possess. In response, one of the hosts criticized her and claimed that her standards were too high. They went on to argue that having standards can hinder the development of a healthy relationship. While it is true that being open-minded and curious is important when dating, it does not mean that one cannot have standards. In fact, having standards is the foundation upon which a relationship is built.

As I listened to what seemed like terrible advice, I wished I could reach through the screen and tell the woman that her desires were not unreasonable but rather realistic and achievable.

We all have standards, and wanting to be respected is a standard that most people require in their relationships. There's nothing unhealthy or unrealistic about that.

Having standards can be beneficial. Too often, we feel like we should apologize for our standards or lower our expectations to be more accommodating. However, having standards can help us maintain healthy boundaries, promote self-respect, and foster positive relationships.

Healthy standards can manifest in the following ways:

1. Healthy boundaries: It's important to establish healthy boundaries and to communicate them clearly with the people in your life. This might mean setting limits on the amount of time you spend with certain people or establishing rules around communication. For example, you might decide that you won't respond to work emails after a certain time of day or that you won't engage in certain types of conversations with certain people. By setting these boundaries, you can promote a healthy work-life balance, reduce stress, and protect your own mental health.

2. Self-respect: Having high standards for yourself can be a way of showing self-respect. This might mean setting goals and working towards them or holding yourself accountable for your actions. For example, you might decide that you won't compromise your values to please others or that you won't settle for less than you deserve in a romantic relationship. By setting these standards, you can promote your own self-esteem and create a sense of pride in your accomplishments.

3. Positive relationships: Having standards can also help you foster positive relationships with others. This might mean setting expectations for how you want to be treated or establishing boundaries that promote healthy communication and mutual respect. For example, you might decide that you won't tolerate abusive or disrespectful behavior from a partner or friend or that you won't engage in gossip or other negative conversations. By setting these standards, you can create relationships that are based on trust, respect, and positivity.

If we want to have peace in our lives, it’s important to have standards regarding what we will and will not tolerate. Ultimately, having standards can help you create a life that aligns with your values and promotes your well-being. Don't be afraid to establish healthy standards for yourself and communicate them clearly with others.