How to Stop The Silent Treatment

And become emotionally mature with your communication

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

I grew up in a household with an emotionally manipulative family member. They would cause me harm, and when I had an emotional reaction or set a boundary with them, they would use the silent treatment to be punitive and make our living situation as uncomfortable as possible until I apologized as if I was the person who did something wrong. This situation made me value the importance of communication. I always vowed to myself that I would never become like my family member, but one day I found myself in a situation where I was so dysregulated during a disagreement with a former partner that I could not find the words to speak and ended up shutting down to the point where all I could do was be silent.

This experience is when I realized that silent treatment, also known as stonewalling, can manifest for various reasons. Still, the number one reason is when a person doesn’t have the skills or maturity to handle conflict. Whether I am forcing someone to apologize or can’t find the words to speak, both situations can be manipulative if you do not do the work to repair the ruptures caused in a healthy manner, which always requires communication.

So what can you do instead of relying on silence to help yourself self-regulate and approach a challenging situation with open communication with the other person?

Use a safe word to communicate that you need a pause. When you’re faced with that familiar feeling when you want to shut down and go silent, use a safe word instead to communicate that the conversation or situation is getting too emotionally or mentally straining for you.