Friendship Falls on A Spectrum

Stop using the term "friendship" loosely

One day, while on the phone with my sister, I mentioned that I had spent the weekend with a few acquaintances. She replied, "So these are your friends?" I clarified, "No, they are just people I know; they’re not my friends."

Image of Molly and Issa from Insecure

The term' friendship' is frequently misused and assumed to be boundless when, in reality, it has limitations. This casual categorization of various relationships often results in challenges when these relationships encounter issues.

Friendship exists on a spectrum. Merely knowing my name, following me on social media, or having dinner with me once does not make someone my close friend. Close friendship requires more than superficial interactions. It involves mutual trust, understanding, respect, and, most importantly, safety. Just because we interact or cross paths frequently doesn't automatically upgrade the relationship to us being besties.

Recognizing and appreciating the various types of relationships in our lives brings peace because we operate from a place of acceptance and understanding. The spectrum of friendship ranges from acquaintances to colleagues to friends and close friends; each dynamic holds significance. I'm not offended if someone I know considers me an acquaintance rather than a friend, as I understand that my role in their life may differ from others. This understanding also helps me manage expectations. For instance, if I'm merely an acquaintance, I don't expect to perform tasks expected of a best friend or someone you consider family. The same applies to how I interact with others. I treat each person according to their role in my life to maintain clear boundaries, and while doing that, I still hold a great sense of care, regard, and compassion for the people I choose to do life with, regardless of how close we are.

Seven reflection questions to define close friendships:

1. Who are the people in my life that I consider to be close friends?

2. What common interests or values do I share with this person?

3. How comfortable am I opening up to this person about personal matters?

4. Can I rely on this person during challenging times?

5. How does this person respond when I express my needs or boundaries?

6. Does this friendship provide mutual respect and support?

7. Is there reciprocity in this friendship, or is it one-sided, where I tend to be the giver?

After evaluating your close friendships, how would you feel about embracing and accepting that some people in your life are merely acquaintances and they view you the same way? How do you think this perspective could assist in managing rules, expectations, and boundaries in your relationships?

Remember this: A great sense of peace comes with allowing people to show up for you within their capacity, and evolving with others may sometimes involve adjusting the level of intimacy and closeness that you have with the people in your life.

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ICYMI - On this week’s episode of Mindful With Minaa, I share tips to help you become more assertive. Support this podcast by leaving a rating, reviewing it, and, most importantly, subscribing on your preferred podcast platform.